For Better for Worse

 Breathe Steven, Breathe... He was sitting in his car unable to drive, trying hard to control his emotion. He had just stormed out of his house after a row with his wife Anita. He had never walked out on her in the middle of a row before but he had to get out before he did or said something he will regret. Anita had really hurt him a lot with the things she had said to him. Since he lost his job, her attitude had changed but he didn’t think she blamed him or had lost respect for him because he was made redundant. It wasn’t like he was asked to leave the company, it folded up and everyone lost their job. She had been supportive the 1st week he was out of a job. When she came home, she made dinner as usual and was happy to catch up with him on how he had spent his day. Finding another job was proving a lot harder than he imagined. By the second week of job hunting with no definite lead, he decided to start up his own consultancy company. He had gained the required experience and had maintained a good rapport with the clients he dealt with when he worked. He had put in bids for a number of jobs and was quite positive that one of them will come through. He had been praying that something comes through quickly as his savings was quickly diminishing.


He noticed Anita started behaving funny in the 3rd week of being jobless. By the end of that week they had their first major row in a long time. She came home from doing the grocery in a funny mood. She had snapped at him when he asked her what was for dinner and she had tried to suggest he starts doing the grocery and cooking too. He didn’t mind doing the grocery if Anita couldn’t do it but Anita had always done the grocery and she had never complained until now. As for cooking he loved to eat but he didn’t know the first thing about cooking. He didn’t understand where Anita was coming from since she had always done this when they were both working and her working hours were still the same since he lost his job.

He was not one to regret things, but tonight he regretted asking Anita for money. He thought they had an open relationship where they shared everything but it seemed that only worked when he was the one providing. He made a silent vow to himself that he will never ask her for a penny as long as he lives and when things got better for him, he will only provide for the necessary things.

The number one cause of disagreements in marriage is money. When we are faced with a difficult situation, it is hard not to be overly sensitive to things that are said to us. For better for worse means we will be by our spouse’s side through good times and bad times regardless. Once Anita became the sole earner, she expected Steven to start cleaning, cooking and doing the groceries. These were chores she had done when they were both working without complaining about it. She no longer felt she had to respect him because she was the breadwinner. She wasn’t sensitive to his feelings.

Traditionally men feel they need to provide for their family and when they can’t they feel like they have let their family down. We are very quick to forget the good times once the bad times hit. We tend to focus on the negative. When things go wrong we need to be patient with our spouse and persevere in working through the difficult time. Steven’s silent vow to never ask Anita for money again has been made in anger without him telling her how he feels and talking things over with her to understand why she reacted the way she did. Communication is very important and when you talk things over, they don’t always look as bad.

Please feel free to email me @ (Vivienne@viviennetiger.com) if you want to share your story or add your personal view to this article. Alternatively if you want to leave a comment you can do so on my blog: www.viviennetiger.blogspot.co.uk.