Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

“I believe you should stand your ground and do not let him have his way this time. I don’t see anything wrong with what you did, you had every right to be upset and worried and he had no right snapping at you when you asked him for an explanation. If it takes a month or more to drive your point home so be it” Sandra said to her friend Betty.


Betty’s husband (Simon) had really upset her nearly three weeks ago when he had come back home very late. She had tried to reach him on his mobile but his phone had been switched off. She had been very worried because it was unlike him not to tell her if he was going to be home late. When he eventually got home, she had asked him where he had been and why he was just getting home. Rather than offer an explanation and an apology, he had looked at her for a good minute before snapping at her saying he was tired and didn’t need any hassle from her. She let him know she didn’t appreciate being snapped at and the least he could have done was apologise for the worry he had caused her. He didn’t reply but walked into their bedroom and started getting ready for bed. His action had really infuriated her even more and she had followed him into their bedroom demanding an explanation of where he had been and why she couldn’t reach him on his mobile. She refused to let him sleep and kept going on and on, insisting that he must talk to her. He eventually told her that his car had broken down and his mobile phone battery dead because he had forgotten to charge it the night before so he couldn’t call her. He had managed to call the road recovery company when his battery went dead otherwise he won’t have been able to get help. He said it took the roadside assistance over 2 hours to get to him and when they eventually did, they couldn’t start his car and had to tow the car home. He was quite angry with her because he felt she didn’t wait for him to settle down or ask him how his day was or showed any concern about him before jumping straight to asking him where he had been in an irritated tone. He was tired and hungry and just wanted to get some peace and quiet if she didn’t mind.

The following morning when Betty woke up and said good morning to him, he muffled an answer back. He arranged for his car to be picked up and called for a taxi to take him to work. When he got back in the evening, he dished his dinner by himself and ate alone on the dining, played with the kids before their bed time and wouldn’t speak to Betty directly. Betty felt he was being childish and decided that if he was going to act that way two could play the game. Three weeks on things seemed to have gotten worse. Simon sometimes came home later than usual and did not call to let her know if he will be coming home late. She didn’t think she owed him an apology for asking where he had been that night on the contrary he owed her an apology for snapping at her when she had asked him. She felt really uncomfortable though not speaking to him and they seem to be growing apart. He was still there for the kids at weekends but they hardly said a word to each other and during the week more often than not he came home a lot later than he usually did.

Betty wasn’t sure she agreed with Sandra. She had always believed that two wrongs did not make a right. Communication had always been key to their relationship. Granted she hoped Simon would have tried to talk to her but he hadn’t. She had never been one to keep malice this long and was worried that something so trivial had blown out of proportion. She made up her mind to talk to Simon when he got back home. It wouldn’t make her less of a person if she called the truce.

To Be Continued

"All The Single Ladies"

 

Kelly laid in the dark willing herself to forget the last year of her life and the cause of her pain. She was 29 years old and single again. She had a terrible headache from crying so much. She couldn’t help thinking she had let herself down and she had failed to keep her promise to God. If she was honest to herself, her breakup with Jonathan was long overdue but she had lived in denial, believing their relationship would take a turn for the better. They had been together for 11 months and had met at a mutual friend’s birthday party. When he was introduced to her, she went weak at her knees when she looked up at him. He was tall, good looking and had a lovely smile that reached his eyes.

The first six months of their relationship was blissful. Jonathan was so attentive to what she had to say. He sent romantic texts to her all day and took her out on dates every other evening. He wanted to know everything about her. She always looked forward to seeing him and kept pinching herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have such a wonderful boyfriend. He didn’t make her feel stupid or put any pressure on her to sleep with him after she explained to him that she had made a promise to herself and God after her last relationship broke down that the next man she sleeps with will be her husband. His response “It will make our wedding night even more special” made her love him more.

Eight months into the relationship, Jonathan became a bit distant. His texts message didn’t come as often and when they did come it was very informal and not romantic at all. When Kelly called him, he sounded like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. She only got to see him once a week and that was because she made the effort to drive by his office on Fridays. He always seemed to have a lot of things planned for the weekend that didn’t include her. When she tried to talk to him to find out what the problem was, he always said that he was under a lot of pressure at work and had tight deadlines to meet. It was almost like he was avoiding her. When she was just about giving up on them being a couple, he calls her and invites her for dinner. Over dinner he starts to apologise for his distant behaviour, and how he has been doing a lot of thinking. He goes on to talk about her wanting to wait until they were married to have sex, how he was going to marry her someday and was quite hurt that she didn’t trust him to feel she had to be married to him to sleep with him. He went on to say if the trust wasn’t there he didn’t think he could continue being with her let alone marry her.

Kelly knew she should have walked away then, but she really wanted this to work and also wanted to get married. She convinced herself to see where he was coming from regarding him feeling she didn’t trust him. He had really been patient with her and obviously wanted to marry her which was why he was feeling her wanting to wait till they were married meant she didn’t trust him. She was quiet for a while thinking about what he had said. She went on to tell him she trusted him and was willing to prove it to him and sleep with him. He was so ecstatic when she agreed, he carried her and twirled her around right in the middle of the restaurant. Kelly was so happy to see him back to his old self even though she was a bit sad she was going to break her promise to God. She told herself God will understand especially when she got married to Jonathan.

The first couple of months after sleeping with him, things were back to what they were in the early days. By the tenth month, Kelly hardly saw Jonathan. When she sent him texts, he never replied them. He never picked up her calls or returned them. When she drove to his office, she was told he was in meetings and could not come down to see her. She was not allowed to wait for him.

Then today she bumps into him at the mall with a girl who he introduced to Kelly as his fiancé. He said they were in a hurry and will catch up with her later. Kelly was left speechless. Lying in the dark, she couldn’t remember how she made it home. She had never felt so used in her life. She prayed God will forgive her for breaking her promise to Him.

Kelly felt to make her relationship with Jonathan work, she had to compromise on her principles. When you are romantically involved or love someone, it is easy to give up what you feel is right or what you believe in to make the other person happy. Kelly decided to sleep with Jonathan because he had said he planned to marry her someday. Being married and wanting to marry are two different things. If a man loves you, he will honour and respect your feelings. It has not been proven that sex makes a relationship stronger. On the contrary sex complicates it.

Kelly should pick herself up, know that God has forgiven her and begin again.

"Wish I Could Turn The Clock Back"

“Worst day of my life. Sadly have split with Erica am absolutely distraught. Yes a few problems in everyday life none insurmountable, can’t believe I am supposed to have pushed her at the weekend – too untrue for words. Still love her very much and would give anything to turn the clock back and to try to make things different – footnote, both parties need to give their all to make the wonderful institution of marriage work (and sometimes more). Inappropriate behaviour is not required.... love the partner you are with completely. Sorry everyone”.


The above extract was the message posted on facebook by Michael Pedersen on August 31st two days before he stabbed to death his seven year old son Ben, six year old daughter Freya and himself. The killings came weeks after he had split from his wife following a drunken row at a party. Michael was said to have flown into a rage when he saw his wife allegedly kiss another man at a party. Following the row, his wife threw him out of the family house.

As I read the story of how Michael stabbed his children to death, my heart went out to these innocent victims. I can’t begin to imagine what was going through their young minds as their dad stabbed them. Did he tie both of them together and make one watch the other one being stabbed; how long where they in pain before they finally died; did their dad look them in the face as he stabbed them?

From his facebook message, it is obvious that he felt he was the reason his marriage had failed. This year all over the world there have been a lot of stories about a parent killing their children following the breakdown of their marriage. Michael’s statement that both parties need to give their all to make a marriage work is true. I cannot understand why he felt the need to kill his children.

As parents we are responsible for protecting our children from danger. Our children should feel safest when they are with us. They shouldn’t be used as pawns when things go bad. Children should not be involved in the conflicts, domestic violence disputes, or negativity that happen between their parents.

Disagreements and conflict are inevitable between couples, but as parents we need to try and avoid exposing the children to these conflicts especially when it becomes aggressive or hostile. Children exposed to their parents aggressive arguments and conflicts, can be affected psychologically. On the other hand, research has shown that resolving marital conflicts with respect have a very positive effect on teaching children how to manage stress in a healthy way and how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. So the next time we argue in front of the children, let us do it with respect, warmth and empathy.



Please feel free to email me @ (Vivienne@viviennetiger.com) if you want to share your story or add your personal view to this article. Alternatively if you want to leave a comment you can do so on my blog: www.viviennetiger.blogspot.co.uk.