A woman’s loyalty is tested.....

“A woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing. ... A man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything....”


Anita snapped the book she was reading shut. She was trying to escape from her thoughts but that quote she just read was doing the exact opposite. She and her husband Steven had just had a big row which ended when he slammed the front door and walked out of the house. Ever since Steven was made redundant, they had been fighting a lot. To be fair to Steven, he was trying hard to get another job but no one was hiring and the few that were, had a lot of applicants applying for it. He was also trying to set up a new business which was taking up a lot of capital.

Anita had a good paying job but with only one income coming in, they had made a few cuts in their spending. She found she was easily irritable and was always snapping at Steven and their 5 year old son Jamie. She expected Steven to be more hands on around the house since he had a more flexible schedule. He helped as he always had before he lost his job in getting Jamie ready for school and getting him ready for bed, but Anita wanted him to help out with cooking dinner, cleaning the house and doing the grocery. He wasn’t a good cook but he could learn. She had tried to bring up the subject of doing more around the house before and it had always ended up in a row. He didn’t understand why she expected him to do these extra things just because he was out of a job since when they were both working she had done all these things happily and never complained.

If Anita was honest to herself, their latest row could have been avoided. Anita had come back from work that evening tired and exhausted. All she wanted to do was have a soak in the bath and unwind. Thankfully, Steven had fed Jamie and put him to bed. Steven was getting ready to go out to meet up with some of his friends when she came home. She knew he hadn’t been out for a while and he had been looking forward to just chilling with his close buddies, but a part of her was irritated that he thought it okay to go out when they were living on a tight budget. Just as he was about to leave the house, he asked Anita if she could give him some money because he was a bit low on cash. She pretended not to have heard him. He asked her again and in an irritated tone she told him if he didn’t have enough money then maybe he should stay home and forget about going out. She went on to say a lot of mean things to him. Her last statement to him was that she had lost respect for him ever since she had been forced to provide for their family. Steven listened to all she had to say without interrupting her and when she had finished, he reminded her of how he had been the sole provider for their family when she got pregnant with Jamie. He provided for them right up till a year ago when she decided she wanted to go back to work. Even when she started working, he still paid the bills and gave her money for the grocery shopping. He always gave her more than she ever asked him for happily. Even though he had been out of a job for 2 months, he still paid the bills, using the money from his savings account. All he had asked her to take care of was the grocery shopping and Jamie’s school fees. This she had only done for 2 months and was already complaining about it. She kept replaying Steven’s last words before he stormed out “I guess for better for worse means nothing to you”.

Steven’s last words came as a surprise. For starters she hadn’t thought about the vows they had made to each other since the day they got married. In her subconscious, for better for worse meant if he was ever sick she would be there for him. Sickness for her meant when he had the flu or a fever she would nurse him to good health. She had never thought of being there for him other than that. Thinking about it now, she felt really ashamed of herself. She had not been the helpmate that she was made to be for him. Once Steven had lost his job and she had been forced to take up more financial responsibilities, she had started resenting him and her respect for him dwindled on a daily basis. Like he reminded her, when he was the only one working, he always gave her everything she asked him for. He never belittled her or made her feel like she was a burden. Tonight she had done both to him. She sat in the dark waiting for him to come back home and praying and hoping he would accept her apology and forgive her.

For better for worse means we will be by our spouse’s side through good times and bad times regardless. Once Anita became the sole earner, she expected Steven to start cleaning, cooking and doing the groceries. These were chores she had done when they were both working without complaining about it. She no longer felt she had to respect him because she was the breadwinner. She wasn’t sensitive to his feelings. Traditionally men feel they need to provide for their family and when they can’t they feel like they have let their family down.

It is easy to love our spouse when things are going well, when we are in good health, financially stable, blessed with children etc. We are very quick to forget the good times once the bad times hit. We tend to focus on the negative. When things go wrong we need to be patient with our spouse and persevere in working through the difficult time.