"Wish I Could Turn The Clock Back"

“Worst day of my life. Sadly have split with Erica am absolutely distraught. Yes a few problems in everyday life none insurmountable, can’t believe I am supposed to have pushed her at the weekend – too untrue for words. Still love her very much and would give anything to turn the clock back and to try to make things different – footnote, both parties need to give their all to make the wonderful institution of marriage work (and sometimes more). Inappropriate behaviour is not required.... love the partner you are with completely. Sorry everyone”.


The above extract was the message posted on facebook by Michael Pedersen on August 31st two days before he stabbed to death his seven year old son Ben, six year old daughter Freya and himself. The killings came weeks after he had split from his wife following a drunken row at a party. Michael was said to have flown into a rage when he saw his wife allegedly kiss another man at a party. Following the row, his wife threw him out of the family house.

As I read the story of how Michael stabbed his children to death, my heart went out to these innocent victims. I can’t begin to imagine what was going through their young minds as their dad stabbed them. Did he tie both of them together and make one watch the other one being stabbed; how long where they in pain before they finally died; did their dad look them in the face as he stabbed them?

From his facebook message, it is obvious that he felt he was the reason his marriage had failed. This year all over the world there have been a lot of stories about a parent killing their children following the breakdown of their marriage. Michael’s statement that both parties need to give their all to make a marriage work is true. I cannot understand why he felt the need to kill his children.

As parents we are responsible for protecting our children from danger. Our children should feel safest when they are with us. They shouldn’t be used as pawns when things go bad. Children should not be involved in the conflicts, domestic violence disputes, or negativity that happen between their parents.

Disagreements and conflict are inevitable between couples, but as parents we need to try and avoid exposing the children to these conflicts especially when it becomes aggressive or hostile. Children exposed to their parents aggressive arguments and conflicts, can be affected psychologically. On the other hand, research has shown that resolving marital conflicts with respect have a very positive effect on teaching children how to manage stress in a healthy way and how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner. So the next time we argue in front of the children, let us do it with respect, warmth and empathy.



Please feel free to email me @ (Vivienne@viviennetiger.com) if you want to share your story or add your personal view to this article. Alternatively if you want to leave a comment you can do so on my blog: www.viviennetiger.blogspot.co.uk.